Monday, September 26, 2011

Would you try and put a leash on a lion?

Seriously, would you walk up to a lion, slap a leash on it and say "hey, fatso, let's go for a walk"?  Didn't think so.  Now normally, I got a lot of love for MC but she did just that.  No, she didn't slap a leash on a lion.  She tried slapping a leash on me and taking me for a walk.  Why?  Cause she is worried about my weight.  Oh yeah, that whole "let's take a walk" idea went over big time with me. 



Not!

Oh sure, Doc told her after my surgery when he was taking my stitiches out MC would have to be careful with my diet.  Too much weight would be hard for me to carry around on 3 legs.  Little did I know she'd take that advice as gospel instead of as a mere guideline.

Let me introduce myself.  I'm Pippin and I had an accident that resulted in the loss of my front leg.  Mama Cat or MC for short, is the human I own and right now she is fixated on a diet and exercise regimen for me.  And it all started with her trying to weigh me cause she thought I was lying around too much.





The day of the great weigh in MC drags me into the bathroom and proceeds to plunk my butt down on her scales.  I filed a quick protest by backing off the scales and in between her legs.  I got to say once MC gets something into her head she is determined to see it through to the bitter end.  She got a better grip on my poor skinny (I might add) body, drug me forward and pu me back on the scales.  At least she tried to.  I filed another protest.  We probably would still be in the bathroom going back and forth if a certain someone hadn't gotten in on the action.  On the last push me pull me attempt, MC found she couldn't pull me forward anymore.  Why you might ask?  Cause my lovely long tail which had been behind MC's legs was now stuck in someone's mouth.  Yep, that foul breath fuzz faced beast of MC's had clamped onto my tail and was pulling my ass backwards.  Just look at this hideous face!  How would you like it pulling on your tail, I ask?


Yeah, yeah he got in trouble after MC stopped laughing.  The woman has no heart somedays but she also gave up on trying to weigh me too.

To show her I forgave that lapse in judgement concerning my diet and exercise, I tried to help her with some crafty thing she was doing.  Look!  I almost got those scissors to work.



Can you believe she didn't appreciate my help?  Me neither.  So I thought maybe I should try yoga with her, after all cats invented yoga.  For some reason, she didn't seem to find my pointing out her own paunch problems by sitting on it while she was in reclined mountain pose amusing.  OK, so I didn't think that one through cause that motivated her to go get someone for me to play with.  Back on that exercise thing again.  I had previously cleared off MC's DVD thingy, in order, to better observe her workout sessions so I invited Gloves up for a bit of wrestling just to prove there is nothing wrong with my physique.  Gloves may have all of his limbs but I still won.







I proved I'm fit and was rather hoping this would get MC to relax on the diet thing too.  She feeds me downstairs.  Actually, she doles out pitiful sized portions during the day for me to eat.  For Pete's sake, that woman goes up and down those steps hundreds of times a day.  Which means I have to run up and down the stairs to see when she is putting out my miserably meager meals.  About all my wrestling bout achieved was getting Gloves stuck on a diet too.  Boy, is he a whiner.  Just look at him trying to get in the house so he can power nap safely concealed in the teen's room instead of taking a brisk walk around the yard.  Yep, that's the walking hairball on the table.  I have to perch on stuff just to keep that blasted beast away from my delicate fur so now it thinks it needs to sit on tables, too.  Notice even through the screen it is trying to invade Glove's personal space?  We keep telling her to send the thing back but MC just won't listen.



Remember my cleverly crafted inside tree?


Um, someone forgot to tell me the rope tied around the ladder was not for me to play with.  'Fraid I untied that sucker one day.  That wouldn't have been a problem but that blue-tongued pestilence panting in my face caused me to make a rather spectacular leap onto the tree.  I kind of hit the tree a lttle hard and caused it to all come crashing down.  MC came running to make sure I wasn't hurt and then told me she wasn't in the mood to fix my tree.  Not like she was doing anything important.  Look!

She is sitting there reading a book and drinking coffee while broken bits of my tree are surrounding her.  I tried to get her moving by turning the pages for her.

That didn't work so I thought I'd help her read it.  Still didn't get her moving.  I had to wait till she went to get a refill and take matters into my own paw.

When all else fails take a nap on it!  That got her going and I must say she did a fine job on the rebuild.  Made a nice little shelf for me to sleep on comfortably.  MC is still on this exercise kick though.  Instead of buying me toys to play with, the tightwad bought a feather duster for me.  I got to admit it is kind of fun to play with.



That's about all my news for now.  So everyone take care and remember-

Everything is difficult
until it becomes easy.

1 comment:

  1. Poor baby, I have to sympathize with you and I must let you know that all those human mothers are the same. I must spend half of my life crying at mine to finally make her follow me and see that my bowl is empty and has been for some time. Then she has the nerve to tell me "it isn't time yet". What does the clock have to do with starvation I ask you? Yes indeed, you have my sympathy!!! Chance kitty.

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